are you so shy because you have an std?
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
