WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
