If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
