My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Girls should come with a carfax report
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize