he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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