found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Randomize
