can we get nightvision for the apartment?
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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