I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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