All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
