Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
