Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
