Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
