In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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