Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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