What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
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