Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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