I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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