i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
