How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize