Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize