Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
