i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
