I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
