She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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