She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
