does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
