Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Welp...herpes.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
