i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
We are all done wearing pants today
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
