Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I have grass duct taped all over my body
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize