Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
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