Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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