I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
