The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
