I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
