dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
