we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
