I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
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