My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
