I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Redeem this text for a blowjob
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize