I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Randomize
