i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
