The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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