i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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