I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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