i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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