I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
