So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize