Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Randomize
