Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
