i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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