i love accidental penises.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
so much tequila, so little girl.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
