Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Randomize
