WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Randomize
