she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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