Are we in a gay sports bar?
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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