Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Can you repeat that, but with context?
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
