If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Randomize
