i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
