I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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