Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Randomize
