How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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