I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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