I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
