Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
