Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
