I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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