all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
