I want to walk on stilts...naked
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
