brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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