Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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