I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
