Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Randomize
