I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
