Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
