One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
