I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize