It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
