I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
