My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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