hell yes lets make some ravioli
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Tornado booty call.. dedication
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize