i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Someone came in the potted fern
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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