We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
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