Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I got inside last night via doggy door
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
