I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
