So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
