you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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