I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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