I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
