call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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