Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
and you fell through a lawn chair
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
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