i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Randomize
