He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
