you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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