I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
