I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
