I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
