Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I have grass duct taped all over my body
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
