She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
