shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
