I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
