Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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