So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
