I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
