i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
