Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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