I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
