Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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