And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
