We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
