I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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