Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
