im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
